I don't want to jinx it.
I woke up feeling ok - I didn't take an ativan this morning - nor did I take one last night. I went to work and I didn't have to fake it as much as I normally do. I didn't go and hide in my car once.
It was a rainy day for the most part but by the time work was finished the sun was breaking through the clouds and when "the person I've been seeing" asked me to go for drinks with some work peeps, I declined without a second thought and before I knew it, I had the dogs in the car and we were on our way to the dog park.
This is kind of a big deal considering I've barely left my house (or the couch) for anything but the necessities of life for as long as I can remember.
It was so nice at the dog park and my little guy Bodhi was so happy to be out in the sunshine with the other dogs he was smiling ear to ear and his little tail didn't stop wagging. I couldn't help but smile (but also feel a bit guilty that my beloved dogs have become unintended victims of this struggle too.)
We had such a good walk that we went around the park twice!
Lately when I take the dogs out we go behind my building and spend only as much time as needed for them to do their thing. It's almost summer and the clovers are starting to come up - I have a 4 leaf clover tattoo and I used to find them all over the place! In multiples! It's kind of my "thing".
I've looked for a lucky charm while we've been out back and though the grass is covered with clovers there have been no charms.
Today at the dog park, we veered off the main course because little Punky was feeling overwhelmed by the big dogs and even without my glasses on I looked down and saw it right away.
I couldn't help but think (and hope and pray) that this was a little sign from the Universe that I am on the right path. To something brighter.