Monday, 7 May 2012

Sleep Becomes Me.

All I want to do is sleep.

This can't be normal.  I slept until noon today, from 2:30 - 3:30 and can barely keep my eyes open at 10:15pm.  What is wrong with me????  I was on the phone a few times today and yawned the entire time.  I'm yawning as I write this.

I keep hearing people say that exercise will help with depression.  Where the hell am I going to find the energy to exercise when I can barely muster up enough to take my dogs for a walk???  I have an elliptical in my house and although I refuse to hang clothes off of it, the foot pedals sure could use a swiffer. 

I did manage to take the dogs to the park today but we got there late and I felt a bit irritable.  My dogs weren't listening and for whatever reason, my younger dog (though I've had him the longest) was being really stand-offish with other dogs and other people.  I felt annoyed.  Everyone else has these friendly playful little dogs who run over for a pet and have no problems playing with other dogs.  "Everyone else" always has everything, don't they. *sigh*

The person I am seeing was supposed to come over again tonight but I talked to him today and this time I was the one who suggested we do it another night.  I could sense that if he did come over I wouldn't be able to keep up pretences like I usually do.  I just don't have the energy.  I'm not sure how much longer this thing with him will last.  It's crazy to me that it's turned out this way - he's someone I thought I could love. 

I am a terrible judge of character.

My best friend and I have talked about this before - when I was online dating I considered giving her the controls so that she could be the one to pick on my behalf but that just seems silly.  She knows what I like and more importantly, what I need just seems so inauthentic to do that.  I want to find someone who truly wants to be with ME.

That reminds me of a great quote I saw on facebook earlier today, by one of my favourite people:

"That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.  Most people love you for who you pretend to be.  To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing.  You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains." - Jim Morrison

So true Jim Morrison (you sexy babe), so true.


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