Tuesday, 1 May 2012

I don't like Mondays.

Today was brutal.  Not in a life shattering way but brutal just the same.

"One of those days."

Strangely, several times throughout the day I realized that this is the type of day that would have resulted in a serious meltdown not too long ago.  I was waiting for it.  It never came.

For starters, it was Monday. I hate Mondays.  Mostly because I hate my job (for too many reasons to list right now) but also because it means I have to leave my house, I have to get out of bed, I have to put some effort into life.  *yawn*

Speaking of yawns - I no longer yawning 27,000 times a day.  I've read that this is a side effect of the Cipralex and I'm grateful that it seems to be passing.  Along with the jaw clenching.  It seems I have traded these side effects for some awful night sweats! They are worse on nights when I have really vivid dreams and I've been having a lot of those (not on nights when I take an ativan).  They aren't scary but they are always disturbing and feel as if they last all night long.  I will wake up briefly (sweating) only to fall back into the same damn dream!! Either I can't find something, I can't get something to work, people won't talk to me or I'm stuck wearing shoes that are too small or I can't walk in. Figure that one out.  (In one dream I was really struggling to walk, only to discover that I could move along quite normally if I just walked....backwards.  Wtf.)

So today.  The day started out as usual (dreadfully, gagging, wanting to throw up) and when I went down to start my car, the battery was dead. Luckily I live close enough to work that I am able to run there (I hate running more than I hate Mondays - double whammy) in about the same amount of time I give myself to drive.  (I hate explaining why I drive but I will - I come home at lunch to walk my dogs and there just isn't enough time to walk. And if it's raining, that's an entire hour spent in the rain and I end up coming back to my professional work atmosphere looking like slash from guns 'n roses after a serious bender.  Not pretty.)

Got to work sans ciggy (yes I smoke. A ton lately too.  Judge me all you want.) and when I finally got my break I went all the way out to "the pit" only to discover that I had brought an empty smoke pack to work. And the person I have been having all this trouble with was out there. Arg. 

Work was CRAZY busy.

My friend told me she's stop by after work to give my car a jump start and decided last minute that she "didn't feel" like leaving the house.  Ok.  I called the towtruck (there's an hour + of my life that I'll never get back) and when I finally had my car running the dogs and I were off to the pet store.  Only to get there and realize I had left my wallet at home.  Arrrrrgggg.

See - not exactly life shattering.  But this is exactly the kind of day that would have had me in tears MULTIPLE times even a matter of days ago.  "Why me?!" thinking would have taken over and that would have been the end of me.

But not today.  I persevered. 

I'm tired and the computer is blinding me. 

I wonder what tomorrow will bring. 


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