Today was brutal. Not in a life shattering way but brutal just the same.
"One of those days."
Strangely, several times throughout the day I realized that this is the type of day that would have resulted in a serious meltdown not too long ago. I was waiting for it. It never came.
For starters, it was Monday. I hate Mondays. Mostly because I hate my job (for too many reasons to list right now) but also because it means I have to leave my house, I have to get out of bed, I have to put some effort into life. *yawn*
Speaking of yawns - I no longer yawning 27,000 times a day. I've read that this is a side effect of the Cipralex and I'm grateful that it seems to be passing. Along with the jaw clenching. It seems I have traded these side effects for some awful night sweats! They are worse on nights when I have really vivid dreams and I've been having a lot of those (not on nights when I take an ativan). They aren't scary but they are always disturbing and feel as if they last all night long. I will wake up briefly (sweating) only to fall back into the same damn dream!! Either I can't find something, I can't get something to work, people won't talk to me or I'm stuck wearing shoes that are too small or I can't walk in. Figure that one out. (In one dream I was really struggling to walk, only to discover that I could move along quite normally if I just walked....backwards. Wtf.)
So today. The day started out as usual (dreadfully, gagging, wanting to throw up) and when I went down to start my car, the battery was dead. Luckily I live close enough to work that I am able to run there (I hate running more than I hate Mondays - double whammy) in about the same amount of time I give myself to drive. (I hate explaining why I drive but I will - I come home at lunch to walk my dogs and there just isn't enough time to walk. And if it's raining, that's an entire hour spent in the rain and I end up coming back to my professional work atmosphere looking like slash from guns 'n roses after a serious bender. Not pretty.)
Got to work sans ciggy (yes I smoke. A ton lately too. Judge me all you want.) and when I finally got my break I went all the way out to "the pit" only to discover that I had brought an empty smoke pack to work. And the person I have been having all this trouble with was out there. Arg.
Work was CRAZY busy.
My friend told me she's stop by after work to give my car a jump start and decided last minute that she "didn't feel" like leaving the house. Ok. I called the towtruck (there's an hour + of my life that I'll never get back) and when I finally had my car running the dogs and I were off to the pet store. Only to get there and realize I had left my wallet at home. Arrrrrgggg.
See - not exactly life shattering. But this is exactly the kind of day that would have had me in tears MULTIPLE times even a matter of days ago. "Why me?!" thinking would have taken over and that would have been the end of me.
But not today. I persevered.
I'm tired and the computer is blinding me.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.