Sunday, 6 May 2012

Late Night Couch Report.

It's 1:18am.

I'm watching some Sandra Bullock movie about going to rehab.  A month of hanging out in comfies, smoking ciggies and figuring shit out doesn't sound so bad!!!  I wish there was a life rehab.  For people who suck at life.  Sign me up!!

I slept until noon today after staying up too late last night and then I slept again from 8pm - 10pm.  Why am I so tired? 

It's not even that I'm tired - I just want to escape my life and sleep seems the only way.  I had planned on taking the dogs to the dog park Thursday, Friday, hasn't happened.  I feel bad for them and selfishly, for myself.  I felt so good last week when I took them out and I really wanted to keep that up.  Now I just feel pathetic for not being able to even the littlest things and guilty for depriving my sweet dogs of something they enjoy so much.

Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and my first thought it one of dread.  I can try again to take them out but I'll probably sleep late and waste half the day.  The person I have been seeing is supposed to come over and make dinner and in order to fake some sense of normalcy while he's here, I'll probably spend the waking hours before he arrives trying to make my house and myself look inhabited by someone who gives a shit.  And has an ounce of self respect.

The thought alone exhausts me.

I saw some commercial today about the physical affects of depression and could relate to a bit of what I saw - I think I might check it out.  I'm not really interested in taking more medication but I am interested in feeling better.  I hate to think that the two go hand in hand.

Another night on the couch.  I feel like I haven't slept in my bed in months.



  1. Marly, I am really relating to your posts. Let me tell you that I have BEEN AT THE BOTTOM. Even just two weeks ago I couldn't get off the couch, couldn't stop eating, was so so low. But day by day I made myself crawl out. I asked for help, I let the help in...and it wasn't even drugs :) You are not alone, change is possible. xoxo

  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For commenting and for relating and for shining a little light of hope. :) It really helps to know there are others who have been through this (although I wouldn't wish it on anyone!) and that there are brighter days aside. Deep down I know this!!! Looking forward to reading more from you - I really connected with some of the things you had to say too! Thanks again - and keep shining. <3 ~M